I can admit that I have struggled for a long time with successful goal-setting, and I started to reflect this year on why that could be. Slowly over time, I’ve realized that the goals I start with often feel too lofty and unachievable. In other words, I don’t believe deep down that I can accomplish said goal. And in this article, I’ll talk of the importance of scaling back and starting smaller because the loftier the goal, the more time it will take for you to accomplish it. And the more time it takes to accomplish a particular goal, the more room there is for many hurdles along the way. And the more hurdles there are, the more chances you have to give up. This can have a really negative impact on your self-esteem in the long run and will discourage you from setting goals in the future. But I think there’s a reason many of us are locked into operating this way that maybe you haven’t considered…

During my reflection on why I wasn’t sticking to my goals, I started to think about any external influences affecting me, such as societal programming. Perhaps I’ve been influenced socially from a very young age to seek distraction and side step my real issues with surrogates like my computer instead of staying focused on my soul’s growth and evolution. When seeking the self, there’s a process of shedding the layers of falsity first. Who am I? Who am I not? It’s not to blame outside influences but see them as something we picked up along the way that doesn’t really resonate with who we actually are and what we really think.

So let me explain my theories on the external context of my success blocks, which could very well be yours too. We all know the US runs on capitalism. This means that growth is rewarded, and it takes time efficiency to produce more growth. As a result, things that service people faster are invented to make more time for business growth. So we end up with processed foods, food delivered via apps, Amazon Prime, and the like. Voila! Instant gratification culture is born. My millennial generation in particular is used to things happening quickly and doesn’t really settle for less. And not to say that I don’t use any of these types of services–because I do–or to bash them at all–because I love them.

The side-effects of growing up with touch-of-a-button services

This, my friends, creates problems for long term and effective goal setting. It also creates an unrealistic mindset when approaching what one wants to achieve. We may get overconfident because the other ways in which we engage in our lives are happening quickly so why can’t our goals? So we may aim really high and beat ourselves up because those giant goals take time and consistency and we lack the patience. Not only that, but because we can multitask with multiple tabs open and scroll through Facebook and Instagram all day long, we get bored. We have a shorter attention span and less focus. We get distracted too easily and are always waiting for the next new and exciting experience or product.

So don’t bite off more than you can chew. Don’t overwhelm yourself. It’s more efficient to make smaller, more achievable goals that challenge you without stressing yourself out. If you and a friend or partner share similar goals, such as a fitness or diet-related goal, all the better. This is why I brainstormed with Cailee about ways to improve diet. So get together and figure out a realistic goal for each of you that gets you both a step or two or three further than where you’re at.

So, Cailee and I both knew that our eating habits tend to have a domino effect where sugar cravings turn to more sugar cravings and gluten had the same effect. So here’s my favorite dieting tip from the Netflix series Cooked with Michael Pollan: eat whatever you want, but make it at home. We already cook most meals, so to add in scones and pizza, for example, would be that much more work. So we don’t have outside sweets or gluten—anything in that category must be made at home. Not only is it about the time-consuming nature of extra cooking, we also are very conscious of using the freshest, organic ingredients we can get our hands on. And we live in Portland, OR, the mecca for local, organic, and farm-fresh foods. So no excuses there. Lastly, we allowed for 1 cheat—anything goes—per month. And at this point, our limits had been defined.

What’s Getting In Your Way?

The next step was to pin point any situations that could get in the way of achieving our goals i.e. late night snacking, out all day on the weekends, work meetings out of town, etc. So say it’s the weekend and we know that we’re going to be out all day. We listed options such as keeping healthy snacks on hand, picking out a restaurant with healthy options and actually ordering those healthy options…because well, we all know how that goes…at least for me. 😉 Do this by journaling out any kind of situation or event that may be stressful for you and tempt you to fall off the wagon. Then, come up with several solutions to these blocks. You can’t predict everything, but you can at least acknowledge any patterns.

Another thing to consider in this realm is the negative chatter that comes up when you think about the goal you’re setting. It might be one you’ve written down for 10 years and still haven’t accomplished. If this is the case, one strategy I bring in is to write down those thoughts and look for an Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or “tapping” video on Youtube to work through those. This will help you stop getting in the way of yourself by talking through the negative thoughts, clearing the energy that is stored in the tapped acupressure points, and then reprogramming these into positive thoughts. Repeat as many times as you need to.

Invest in Yourself

Next, I would suggest investing your hard earned cash to encourage you to stay on track. If you can’t harvest dollar bills daily from money trees that grow in your backyard, it’s likely that you care where you spend your money. So I’d suggest investing in coaching, products, programs, apps, or any kind of relevant service in your budget that holds you accountable. For me, I get quarterly hair tests that I save up for and purchase supplements just about every week. That certainly motivates me to stay on track. I don’t like wasting my time or money…can’t say I’ve met anyone that does.

The last thing here is to remind you that yes, focus on the goal, but don’t forget the process itself. Because how many times have you achieved something or received something you’ve been wanting and it’s not that meaningful by the time it’s accomplished? Everyone around is high-fiving you, yet there’s a part of you that may feel unsatisfied. My money is on the fact that along the way, you stopped enjoying the journey itself. You never stopped to smell the roses. There are so many lessons to be learned, but they can only be learned through experience and reflection of those experiences. You will also realize the thousands of little accomplishments you have made along the way to achieving the big one. This is huge when it comes to building your self-esteem because it then ensures that you ultimately become your own motivational coach along the way through more positive self-talk. Loving yourself takes practice. By breaking down those larger goals into more bite-sized ones, you will not only build your belief in yourself to be successful but also develop compassion for yourself every step of the way.

So if you’ve had a rough time staying on the wagon with your goals, you now have some new perspectives to consider and practical actions to take in order to make them feel significantly more attainable.