It was the fall of 1997. Gusts of wind were swaying the trees left and right and I watched them over my left shoulder as they waved goodbye to the stillness of suburban summer. It was my last first day of preschool and my mother was walking me across the parking lot to the line that formed outside the doors of my school. It was tradition on the first day to show up in your best, most colorful outfit. Hair all neatly brushed. Shoes double-knotted. Velcro if you were cool. All the kids would stand in line with their friends anxiously waiting for the school bell to ring and the doors to come swinging open. But before we were to run through the halls and into our new classroom, moms were taking pictures on 90’s film cameras to commemorate the day. I darted my eyes looking for my best friend Madison so that we could take a picture together. Then my mom broke the news. “Cailee…Madison doesn’t go to your school anymore remember? Why don’t you find another friend to take a picture with?” My stomach dropped. Another friend? I looked around at the sea of kids smiling and posing for pictures, finding no one I would label as “a friend.” My eyes broke out into tears.

So this is what loneliness feels like

If there is one thing I have learned to accept about loneliness, it’s that in comes in waves. In life, there are cycles. There are times of warmth and prosperity, there are times of coldness and despair, and there are times of renewal and growth. There are times when we flourish and celebrate life surrounded by friends and family. And then there are times of loneliness. Nature echoes these cycles.

All you have to do is look to the rose gardener. Why would they ever trim away all of those beautiful roses at the end of the growing season and let them fall to an early grave? It’s because that is the only way that they will grow back bigger, stronger, and more beautiful next year. We must prune away the old to make way for new growth. It can be an uncomfortable process, to be sure. When we cut away layers of ourselves there is a big gaping hole that takes time to fill. That feels scary. What if nothing fills the hole? What if I let go of relationships and friendships that don’t make me feel good and no one better comes along to fill their shoes? This is the question that keeps a lot of us in fear and keeps us from finding our real tribe on this earth (whether this ends up being 1 or 50 people depends upon the person).

For some of us, finding community with others is second nature. You know, the type of person who can be put in any situation and strike up a conversation with just about anyone. Sure, they manage to build a good group of friends fairly effortlessly. But I’ve spoken with these people and I’ll let you in on a little secret, they know loneliness too. 

This is because loneliness is a teacher

What if we never spent any time alone and instead spent all of our time surrounded by other people? How would we ever formulate our vision of what we wanted our life to be like? How would we know where we stand on issues of morality and philosophy? How would we get to know who we are at the very core of our being? The truth is, loneliness doesn’t have to be scary. Loneliness isn’t necessarily a judgement of character or worth. You don’t have to have a lot of friends to be worth something or to be worthy of love. Somewhere along the line our society began celebrating extroverts and condemning introverts. One is not better than the other, it just shows that we all came to this planet for very different reasons.

For example, I know that I came here to be a healer. I have struggled with my health since the day I was born. I was born premature and kept my mother up well into the night crying because I had a colic. To this day, I am healing a laundry list of health complaints through Hair Tissue Mineral Analysis and energy healing (much more on this in later posts). Often times, healing can be synonymous with loneliness. The healing process is something that can be facilitated by a doctor, physician, or healer, but in the end it is up to the patient to heal themselves by following the recommendations given. From my experience, real healing occurs on the darkest and loneliness of nights when you’re about to give up and throw in the towel. But somehow, you get through the night, and in the morning when you wake up you know something has shifted.

It is then that you realize a part of you has healed.

And when this occurs, it’s time to celebrate. When we are brave enough to withstand pain and loneliness, it can be transformed into joy and happiness. We begin to attract high quality relationships into our lives that build us up instead of tear us down. I love connecting with people all over the world through The Ripened Heart because we share the same passion for cultivating self-knowledge and growth through holistic living. We know what it’s like to dance between the polarities of loneliness and friendship. But really, loneliness can be a friend. In loneliness we learn to befriend ourselves.

And that is the most important friendship of all.